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Trauma and Grief: Virginia Tech Massacre
Thomas Ellis, MA, LMFT
Executive Director
Center for Grief, Loss & Transition
Death has come without warning or clear cause to so many at Virginia Tech. They tell us this is the largest such incident in the history of our nation. We are quickly reminded of the tragedy of 9 11, past and current wars, and our own personal losses and tragedies. We are discovering that we do not have to be present to feel the reactions of grief, loss and trauma.
Wherever we are we are affected. Multiple reminders of this terrible event come into our homes over television, radio, printed media and computers. How do we deal with this as individuals, institutions and communities? As parents, teachers and administrators, what do we tell our children?
Many questions will continue to surface as grief counselors go to work in Virginia. Professionals will be giving audience to the horrible realities of those present during these homicides. What is needed is permission to express what was heard and seen by those on campus.
Whatever they can do to externalize these images, thoughts and feelings will be most important. The families directly affected have now been launched into a place of trauma. Their beloved children have been taken from them so suddenly and in such a violent manner, innocent victims of a senseless crime.
Trauma reactions will supersede any grief reactions in these early days. Trauma and grief differ in that with such traumatic loss there is no time of preparation, and usually no life experience with such loss. There is a prolonged sense of crisis, an intense emotional affect and a tendency to isolate.
Because of these extreme traumatic reactions, grief is delayed. What needs attending to is the traumatic aspect of this tragedy. What can one do to begin working through these images and the stark reality of such an unbelievable act?
Remember, suffering alone does not teach. Time does not heal all wounds. For healing to begin, intentional grief work is necessary. Developing tools and skills to help you accommodate to your changed world is necessary. So what helps you to begin this healing process? Here are a few ideas:
Companions for the journey
Spending time with those who care about us will help. Clergy, friends and family who “get it,” a grief group or therapist.
- Time for your grief.
- Permission for expression.
- Becoming an expert on grief and trauma.
- Naming what is lost and what is not.
- Being kind to yourself.
- Embracing imperfection.
- Creating places of sanctuary.
Remember that you won’t simply “get over” your grief. Rather, it sits on your shoulder. But if you periodically turn your head and take a look at it straight on, the honest acknowledgment of your pain will bring relief. Being still and present in times of despair is a healing approach to this work. Many have discovered that they can hold onto two opposing ideas – grief and hope – at the same time. You can, too.
For more information you can reach Mr. Ellis at:
Center for Grief, Loss & Transition
1133 Grand Avenue
St. Paul, Minnesota 55105
651-641-0177
tomellis@griefloss.org
www.griefloss.org
www.tomellisbooks.com
Thomas Ellis is the author of This Thing Called Grief: New Understandings of Loss, 2006.
The Center is staffed by experienced pros with specialized education and training in the most current methods.
(meet the team)
Tom Ellis, MA
Licensed Marriage and
Family Therapist,
Executive Director, and Clinical Supervisor
Tom is a marriage and family therapist at the Center with a special focus on trauma. He is also a clinical supervisor, consultant, writer, trainer and critical incident de-briefer. (more)
Sarah Logan, MA
Program Director
Grief Therapist
Sarah provides therapy to individuals, families, groups and children. She has worked in school settings and with young mothers, teenagers and children. (more)
Katie Heckman, MS
Licensed Marriage
and Family Therapist
Katie worked with individuals in a college setting for ten years before becoming licensed in Marriage and Family Therapy. She also taught developmental education, career development and study skills courses to young adults at the college level. (more)